When Your Teen is Cutting

This is not medical advice. Please see your qualified clinician.

   It is a shock to discover your teen is cutting. Most parents feel stunned, angry, devastated, and confused. They ask: How did we get here?

Why Do Teens Cut Themselves?

   Cutting falls into the category of Nonsuicidal Self Injury (NSSI). Teens who cut do not have the intention of taking their lives. About 17% of adolescents said that they engaged in NSSI at least once. They will often cut their inner thighs, upper arms, wrists or waists. They use household objects such as razors, needles, tools and kitchen utensils.

   The self-harm (cutting, burning, etc.) is a way to experience relief from pain. It’s ironic, but many teens tell me that hurting themselves brings about a sense of relief. They feel sad and guilty that they cut, and they struggle to explain how they also feel relief. The desire to cut is strong, and they often fight against the urge.

   Research has shown that teens who cut have been bullied or have been depressed. They feel hopeless about changing their situation or cannot communicate their emotions and needs.

 What to Say 

   “I am so glad you shared that with me,” said the parent. 

   That simple statement alone is a starting point. Choose to listen with compassion. 

   Don’t threaten to punish your teen for cutting. Don’t rant, saying “Where did I go wrong with you?” 

   Instead, listen. Just listen. “I’m here. I see how much you’re hurting.”

   Next, express that you can work together to help the hurt stop. With warmth, show that you are strong enough to help your child find the answer.

Get Your Teen to Stop Cutting

1. Make an appointment with your pediatrician to assess the wounds. Your child needs to hear a physician explain the danger of cutting. It also may show that your child needs treatment for scarring.

2. Make an appointment with a licensed therapist who is familiar with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and adolescents.

3. Remove all household objects that may be used for self-harm. Ask a neighbor to hold onto items for you or buy a safe. Don’t overlook the seemingly benign items that can be deconstructed. 

 4. Rally your personal support system. Parents put themselves last when their children are in crisis. Don’t forget that your mental health needs attention.