How to Break Up With a Toxic Person

You’ve likely put it off for a while now.

If you’re finally DONE, consider a few things before dropping the breakup bomb.

Put your safety first.

Do you predict that the toxic person will be emotionally or physically rough with you in response to the breakup talk?

Choose a public place for the talk and bring a friend with you. Create boundaries that will keep you safe while you’re ending the relationship.

If you anticipate your partner going sideways in response, don’t worry about bad etiquette: Plan to deliver the breakup via a phone call or text. Bad manners should not be a factor when you feel unsafe.

Focus on yourself.

Most likely, you’ve already put in the time trying to salvage the relationship. You’ve learned that you can’t change the person–now is not the time to “fix” your person. That ship has already sailed with a bright red flag flying. It’s not your job to help your partner process the breakup.

How should you start the conversation? 

Keep it short and sweet while repeating “I feel” and “I need” statements. Be respectful but don’t apologize. Breakups are hard–it is what it is.

“I respect you too much to delay this conversation.  I feel that our relationship needs to be platonic and not romantic going forward.”

Be explicit.

Provide examples of how you would like to continue interacting–or not interacting– with the person.

If you don’t want any kind of relationship, try saying, “I need to end our relationship. Friendship is not a good idea, either. I feel space is best. I need to not call you anymore or take your calls.”

Make this conversation a gift to your future self–she will thank you for doing the first right thing toward a better, healthier relationship.