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  • 1 Reason Why You Might Be the Type of Person Who Cheats

    “I am not the type of person who cheats.” 

    I have yet to meet someone who labels herself a future cheater.

    Deeming yourself immune to cheating is dangerous–you are blind to the most dangerous thought that leads to cheating.

    Dr. John Gottman said the key to predicting sexual infidelity is when people make negative comparisons of their partners.

     After a fight, you might think, “I could do better; there is someone else who is better for me.” The thought makes you vulnerable to a future betrayal.

    You may insist that a thought is just a thought; however, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy emphasizes that our thoughts and feelings influence our actions. 

    Thoughts direct our behaviors. Dr. Caroline Leaf said, “Whatever you are focusing on is physically becoming part of you. It is wiring into your brain as a network. It is becoming part of every cell of your 37 to 100 trillion cells of your body. . . And that unit is what drives you.” If you are thinking about something consistently, the thought will get bigger and more influential.

    That thought could be the start of a betrayal.

    How to Avoid Cheating

    Gottman said to cherish what you have. Nurture thankfulness and gratitude. 

    This will require you to give more of yourself to the relationship. Your thoughts will become, “I am so blessed to have him.”

    If you don’t address your thoughts of comparison, you will instead plant seeds of resentment.  You will hold yourself back. You won’t invest your everything.

    I often recommend the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. Gottman refers to her research on infidelity. Glass points out that even couples who are assumed to be affair-proof can be vulnerable. While engaged, couples can set boundaries to prevent future problems.

    Gottman cited Dr. Caryl Rusbult who discovered this number one predictor of infidelity.