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  • “What if I can’t get pregnant?”

    You had assumed getting pregnant would be easy. 

    In fact, your mama had scared you away from sex by telling you that you could get pregnant by simply looking at a guy.

    Fast forward: Now, you want to have a baby, yet the months are tick-ticking by and the blue line keeps showing up lonely.

    Your breath catches on what had seemed impossible: What if I can’t get pregnant? How would I cope? What would I do?

    One solution to ease your anxiety is to picture the worst scenario, consider meaning, take a rational perspective, and continue onward toward motherhood. 

    Imagine worst-case scenario

    Sometimes we don’t allow ourselves to contemplate the nightmarish situation because we think we will somehow “think it into being.” In this case, thinking about not getting pregnant would somehow jinx conception. 

    Try this: Set a timer for no more than 5 minutes. Write down all the details of the worst-case scenario. Allow yourself to go into detail, get dramatic, and shed some tears.  

    What would that mean to you?

    After imagining it, ask yourself, “What would not getting pregnant mean to me?” The answer might surprise you. Not getting pregnant might mean that you think you’re disappointing your parents. It might mean that you don’t know what you would do with your time. The deeper meaning can be an eye-opening reality check.

    Now, counter those painful statements about meaning with rational statements. 

    Talk to yourself: “Do you really think that your parents would stop loving you if you couldn’t give birth to a child? That is not true–you know they love you.” “Do you really think that if you did not have a child that your life would be meaningless? You have family and friends and a passion for your job. There’s so much to your life!”

    Continue trying for a baby–but do so knowing that you can be resilient. 

    Maintaining a positive mindset while trying to start a family is hard. It can sometimes lead to depression and anxiety. If you think that you’re having a rough go at it, reach out to a therapist. Accept the support available to you. *This blog post does not substitute for a solid therapy session.