Should We Break Up or Go to Couples Therapy?

This is not medical advice. Please see a qualified clinician. 

Maybe you have kids together. It could be that you don’t want to splits your assets, or it could be that you never dreamed divorce would happen to you and you want to fight hard before choosing that path.

The question: What is at stake if we break up? is key to help you decide if you should schedule therapy.

If you’re dating, engaged, married or living together–couples therapy is helpful. Evidence has shown that couples therapy makes a positive impact on at least 70% of couples.

Of course, going to therapy is not a requirement before breaking up, but trying at least one session can provide insight into your conflict and provide strategies for healing. 

Couples sometimes go to therapy as the last try before splitting. They want to say that they have tried it all. I suggest that couples go to therapy sooner than later, and not to leave it for a last attempt at saving the relationship.

Did you know that the average couple waits 6 years–that’s a long time to be miserable– before going to therapy?

Sometimes, it is empowering to have a third person in the room who is not biased. The therapist validates your concerns and educates about what is “normal.” 

It could be that the old stigma about therapy is enough to make you avoid it. You think, why go through all of that? Let’s break up.

The bonus of couples therapy is that you get to do your own work at the same time. Often, you both get to heal from old trauma. You get to the root of anxiety and depression, and make plans for a positive future.

Couples therapy is not appropriate for those in abusive relationships. If that is you, pursue individual therapy first. Above all, be safe and reach out for support.